Yesterday I think I finally figured out what the hell my deal is. I am scared. The things on my mind:
- Fear of loosing so much weight and looking like a saggy piece of shit.
- Fear of loosing the layers that have protected me (all mental).
- Fear of not being happy when it's gone.
- Cannot get to the gym like I'd like to.
- Chandler getting out of school and messing up the routine I am in.
- Lincoln needing to learn to potty train so he can go to school next year and thus give me 2 hrs alone twice a week.
I am so frustrated!!!! I just want to do this. I HAVE to do this, not only for myself, but for my family! And I feel like I am letting them down. I know the kids have *no* clue what I am doing and why (although Chandler created a recipe for a Banana Split shake and it was "only 14 calories, Mom!"-Honey, I wish). But I just need to figure this out. I am tempted to call my old therapist and ask for help. I know a lot of this is self esteem related and fear. I am ready to loose it, and I can't let my head screw it up.
So this week, I am only going to step on the scale at WW (Today & Friday). Not doing it at home! My goal is to track (I did ok last week-5 days), and to loose .5 lb. That's what my leader suggested at my meeting today. Don't get hung up on the numbers. So there it is. Thanks for reading this week's novel. I will reward you with a recipe in a couple minutes. It was dinner tonight, and yummy. Thanks for the support. Much love,